I should have given the mug of coffee I had just now a miss for the caffeine has rubbed off, costing me my sleep now.
I lay in bed trying to pacify myself to sleep with all the new magazines but I only grew more alert. Instead, vivid images of my beloved late grandma kept flashing by before me and I was transported back in time when we used to spend many good times together in the living room of our then house at Datuk Keramat. I was a little girl all over again, sitting beside her in her usual spot on the sofa idling the hot afternoons away, sometimes over video games or just plain grandma-grand daughter talking. Her unmistakable voice seemed to reverberate in my ears and I thought I heard her talking to me. It was as though she was there with me, her ever knowing and reassuring smile carved on her lips, enveloping me in a sense of security all over again like what her presence once had given me and so many others. For she whom many of us affectionately referred to as 'Mummy' was a true matriach in many respects.
It's been almost two years since she left us but it felt like only yesterday when the whole family had gone out for lunch or dinner or other get-togethers. Sure, like all other families, we did have our share of feuds and rows but it didn't take long before we made up and be merry again. It is like yesterday when I last saw grandma going about her usual routine but with a detectable hint of exhaustion. How I wish I had talked to her more. How I wish I had spent more time with her instead of allowing trivial matters like studies and other problems to work me up. Nobody saw it coming. I can't say I've really gotten over grandma's death as sometimes I wake up from sleep half expecting to hear her voice booming over the phone asking me about my well-being and studies. Sometimes, during my visits to my grand aunt's place where she used to live, I could almost see her sitting snugly with one leg curled inwards on the sofa facing the entrance, a smile playing on her lips, greeting my arrival. I can still feel her presence sometimes. Like tonight.
Maybe I'll write more about my beloved grandma one day when I can finally sit down and be able to write all about her, about our fond memories together without the tears blurring my eyes.
I lay in bed trying to pacify myself to sleep with all the new magazines but I only grew more alert. Instead, vivid images of my beloved late grandma kept flashing by before me and I was transported back in time when we used to spend many good times together in the living room of our then house at Datuk Keramat. I was a little girl all over again, sitting beside her in her usual spot on the sofa idling the hot afternoons away, sometimes over video games or just plain grandma-grand daughter talking. Her unmistakable voice seemed to reverberate in my ears and I thought I heard her talking to me. It was as though she was there with me, her ever knowing and reassuring smile carved on her lips, enveloping me in a sense of security all over again like what her presence once had given me and so many others. For she whom many of us affectionately referred to as 'Mummy' was a true matriach in many respects.
It's been almost two years since she left us but it felt like only yesterday when the whole family had gone out for lunch or dinner or other get-togethers. Sure, like all other families, we did have our share of feuds and rows but it didn't take long before we made up and be merry again. It is like yesterday when I last saw grandma going about her usual routine but with a detectable hint of exhaustion. How I wish I had talked to her more. How I wish I had spent more time with her instead of allowing trivial matters like studies and other problems to work me up. Nobody saw it coming. I can't say I've really gotten over grandma's death as sometimes I wake up from sleep half expecting to hear her voice booming over the phone asking me about my well-being and studies. Sometimes, during my visits to my grand aunt's place where she used to live, I could almost see her sitting snugly with one leg curled inwards on the sofa facing the entrance, a smile playing on her lips, greeting my arrival. I can still feel her presence sometimes. Like tonight.
Maybe I'll write more about my beloved grandma one day when I can finally sit down and be able to write all about her, about our fond memories together without the tears blurring my eyes.
posted by soleilina at 3:23:00 AM
1 Comments:
Hi! Found ur blog by chance and i have to say i like wat u write :) Dunno if u'll get this comment but just wanted to tell u tht i lost my grandma this apr so i can understand the feeling, and i guess that feeling of loss nvr reli goes away even tho it may be yrs after the death of a loved one...
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